Just say no to saying “No”

Do you find yourself saying “no” to your dog all the time?

The power of a positive “Yes” can work wonders — on your dog, and on you. Read on!

I don’t know what it is about human nature, but many of us, myself included, seem to be hardwired to notice the negatives in life, and then react with frustration.

For instance, Rob and I are having renovations done in our house and, as the process unfolds, “surprises” are uncovered, materials take way longer than anticipated to arrive, and the project gets slowed down. 

The current state of our kitchen.

But instead of expressing frustration to the construction crew (who are also frustrated), we are mindful to be complimentary and grateful for all they do. And we make it a practice to notice the positives.

Life with our dogs has a similar phenomenon, especially when we’re dealing with a dog who has unwanted behaviors, whether it’s excitement barking, nipping, chewing, housetraining lapses, jumping on people, and so on. It’s all too easy to fall into a rut of saying “No” to our dogs which can compound our frustration, since our dog doesn’t understand that what you are trying to express is really “please stop what you're doing right now.”

Say “Yes” to your dog instead

What to do other than say No? Let’s use a happy Yes both to teach desirable alternative behaviors and to praise them. Essentially, Yes becomes a shorthand for “you did the right thing and a treat is forthcoming.” 

But first, we need to teach the dog what Yes means. It’s a simple process and takes most dogs and their people just a few minutes over a couple of days to learn. 

Once the dog understands what Yes means, we use the word throughout further training to support the behaviors they’re learning. And those good learned manners are what we then ask for when we would like our dog to do something such as coming back to us when asked or leaving alone food that fell on the floor. Rather than saying No as our dog runs to eat the scattered raisins or what have you (remember, No does not provide them with a learned behavior option), a well-practiced “Leave it!” and a happy Yes when they stop should do the trick.

For many dogs, your hearty Yes alone could have them running back to you during an off-leash hike in the woods. I practice this with our dogs regularly and you can see the power of Yes on my YouTube channel, youtube.com/@janicezdogtraining.

Change what you notice, change your relationship

I also encourage people simply to notice when their dog is nicely behaved without them being asked. Perhaps your dog is resting quietly in her crate while you’re watching TV or reading … notice and give quiet, gentle praise for that. The same goes for a puppy who chooses to play with her toys and chew items rather than nipping her people, or a dog who sits on her own and waits to be petted rather than jump up.

Noticing and praising our own dogs when they’re hanging out quietly, chewing a toy bone, having fun playing together, or checking in with us on walks has changed our relationships with them for the better. Our dogs are 12 and 9, and we made it a point to start this practice years ago and the positive talk really helps us to remember all we love about our canine companions, rather than focusing on frustrations. Our dogs are not perfect and neither are we but saying Yes to them rather than No has really helped us to enjoy their “dogginess” all the more.

With the construction going on we are all pretty much hanging out in one room.

We put this relocated dog bed under the relocated table and TV, and give Daisy and (here) Petey lots of gentle praise for using it rather than plunking down in front of the fireplace, where we would have to step over or around him.

Yes takes practice

Give it a week or so. When you feel the urge to say No, literally bite your tongue and ask your dog to do something else that you can say Yes to, even just looking at you. A manners brush up can help if your dog needs a refresher. While you’re working on this, make it a point to notice and gently praise your dog for doing something positively unremarkable, like resting on their bed or chewing their toy bones. I promise you: Yes, it’ll feel good!